Screen-Time Detox

Over the last few months I've become painfully aware that Silas is a full-on screen-time addict.  If it's not a TV show or a movie, he's asking to play on the computer or the Wii.  And when we're out shopping or waiting during ballet practice, all he wants is to play on my iphone...  

I think the problem really escalated in the last months of me feeling exhausted and nauseated 90% of the time.  Silas wakes up at 6 am like clockwork, so I of course turn on the TV, give him his milk and then head back to bed.  And then while the older kids are at school and I'm muddling through my day, I don't have the willpower to turn off the laptop or the TV after he's obviously had enough. 

Now, as soon as the screens are turned off, Silas proclaims that he is B.O.R.E.D!  The kid has forgotten how to play.  So now that I am feeling much improved and more energetic I've decided it's time for some screen-time detox.  

It's not easy, let me tell you.  The boy has a short attention span for anything that does not involve staring at a screen (that he could do for hours, let me tell you!)  This morning we played with play-dough for all of 5 minutes before going on to the next thing - painting.  I really resist taking out the painting stuff since it seems overwhelming for such a short amount of play, but he stuck with it for about 20 minutes and actually enjoyed rinsing out his paint container at the end so it wasn't really that painful.  Then we read our new library books, but that didn't take much time at all.

At that point I really had some stuff I wanted to get done and that's where the true test comes because when he is asking for screen-time and I'm really busy, it is just far too tempting to give in.  But today I had resolved to be strong, so I pulled out an idea from my Pinterest board.  All it takes is baking soda, vinegar and food colouring.  It also helps to have a medicine dropper (took me awhile to track one of these down since we haven't administered infant tylenol or vitamin D drops in a couple years!)

Mix the vinegar with different colours...

And give your kid a plate full of baking soda.  After that, they can drop away and create colourful little volcanic eruptions.

Silas loved the sound of the "fizz".

This activity didn't last 2 hours (like it apparently did for the pinner's kid).  Not even 1 hour.  We're talking 20-30 minutes tops.  But hey.  It gave me a chance to make the mango salsa for tonight's delicious dinner recipe so I call that a success.

And to keep things real, I did let Silas watch TV after managing to hold him off for a couple of hours.  But that too, I consider a success.

Baby steps people.  Baby steps.

Birthday Girl

Yesterday my sweet little girl turned 6 years old.  I had hoped to post something here on the actual day, but it didn't happen... (hey, I'm embracing imperfection, remember?)  Besides, since her party isn't until tomorrow, her 'birthday' isn't technically over yet, right? :)

The other day I was reminiscing with Keziah about the day she was born and how excited and blessed I felt to discover that I had a daughter.  

As time progresses I see more and more how Keziah is almost the exact clone of me when I was her age.  Of course there's the blonde hair and blue eyes that make the obvious connection, but like me, she is also shy, quiet, imaginative, creative, a little clumsy and ditzy (sorry Keziah, but I am talking about both of us here...)  She's also tender-hearted, thoughtful and generous.

I also bump heads with Keziah more than I do with the boys - maybe because we're so similar?  She can be a teaser and an instigator unfortunately and some days I feel like I am on her case ALL day.  But one evening last week I found this note beside my bed:

{"I love you even when I tease."}

And it melted my heart.

Her note gave me an idea - and since she is bursting with all of her Grade One knowledge these days (and reading and spelling every word in sight), I thought it was time to start a mother-daughter journal.  Right now our letters are very simple and lovey-dovey and appropriate for a barely 6-year-old, but I hope that someday it can be a place where Keziah will feel comfortable sharing more with me - especially since I know she will find it difficult to talk openly if she's anything like me.

She totally loves the idea and I admit it's pretty fun to read letters like this at the end of the day:

{"I love you more than ever.  I will like to give you a picture with me and you."}

As the kids are growing older, I feel a strong sense of urgency to pray for them.  However I get easily overwhelmed at all the things that I should be praying for.  But I recently felt inspired to pray a repeated, simple prayer for each child every day: "Lord, I pray that Keziah would grow up to love you with all of her heart, soul, mind and strength.  And I pray that she would love other people."

Because that is really at the heart of what I want for each of my children...

Happy birthday sweet girl...

Job Jar

The kids finished school yesterday and our summer "vacation" has begun.  It will look quite a bit different for us since we'll be staying in BC instead of spending it with my parents in Manitoba.  As much as I love our new acreage, I think I'm going to miss the prairie summer.  Part of the reason it was so nice was because I had the extra help from my mom every day.  Erik worked l-o-o-ng days and it was great to have someone to share the burden of childcare with me on a day-to-day basis.

So looking ahead to this coming summer I knew I needed to have a game plan.  It's not just about planning some activities to keep us busy, but it's about having my parenting game-face on.  First I decided that we need to set expectations and have a routine - including a 2-hour/day limit on screen time, eating our meals together at the table, and some definite cleaning up after ourselves.  Not only that, but I know that I need to increase my consistency and firmness with discipline.  It's easy to let things slide when the kids are only home a few hours a day.  But with 2 months sprawling ahead of us of being together all day, every day, I think it's time to really hunker down.  And even as I'm typing this, I fully realize that the gung-ho feeling I have right now might just taper off to exhausted-mommy-survival-mode by mid-July, but hey, I always say, when the motivation strikes you just gotta run with it.

One of my biggest hang-ups with discipline is figuring out what the best consequences should be.  Taking away screen time might be devastating for Micah but wouldn't cause Keziah to bat an eye.  But take away her favourite blanket, stuffy, or - heaven forbid - her kitten, and you've really hit the nail on the head.  And Silas (who admittedly gets babied far too much) usually ends up with a firm warning :p 

But one idea I came across was a Job Jar.  This consequence will be best used when the kids are bored, whiny and fighty; when my mom radar says these kids need something to do!

I included the kids in brainstorming appropriate jobs to put in the jar.  Then I printed them out on cardstock (I wanted them to be sturdy since I'm planning to use them a lot!) and cut them into strips.  I repeated some of them more than once so there would be a higher probability of picking them out of the jar.  My favourite was "pick up and put away 10 things" since that is something that always needs to be done around here...

Some other ideas were dusting the TV cabinet, helping Mom in the kitchen (I figured this could cover all sorts of odd jobs that I could come up with on the spot), and putting away everyone's laundry (another job that seems to need doing on a daily basis!).

And somewhere I got the idea to include a "free pass" coupon in the jar.  This can be an opportunity to teach kids about grace and how we don't get what our sins deserve.

I wanted to "black-out" the jar so they couldn't see what they were picking, so I rolled up some pretty scrap-book paper inside the jar.  It might as well look nice if it's going to be hanging around our house for awhile.

Today the kids were pretty eager to pull our their first jobs.  It seemed like more of a game than a consequence.  In fact, Keziah got the free pass on her first pick, then decided to trade it in for a real job.  And then after that was done she asked for one more :)

I'm pretty sure the novelty will wear off, but even if it doesn't, it should hopefully be a great boredom buster for the summer!

The Power of Persuasion

My parenting battle these days is sleep.  Actually... if I stop and think about it, sleep has been an ongoing issue for about 7 years...  So, let me rephrase that - I think Silas is starting to give up his afternoon nap and I'm fighting it.  Tooth and nail.

I was chatting with some girlfriends a little while ago about some of our parenting habits that we aren't proud of (i.e. soothers and bottles to help our kids sleep).  And I admitted that I let my 3-year-old son take a Disney Princess sippy-cup with milk to bed every nap-time.  If the princess cup is dirty, I will wash it.  And if he asks for a refill, I will get him one.  And when he screams that he needs to be tucked in for the 3rd time, I go in and quietly do it.  Why?  Because I want him to sleep.  I NEED him to sleep. It is the only time I can do my transcription work uninterrupted.  Or update my blog.  Or just sit and read a book.  It is the key to my sanity.  And I will even stoop to bad parenting strategies to make it happen.

But at night I'm firm that he can't have milk in bed because his teeth are brushed (and I want to make sure he can fall asleep without it) so then I sometimes need other ways to convince him that sleep is what needs to happen next on the agenda.  Since the 3 kids are sharing a room for the foreseeable future, bedtime can be chaotic and I feel like I have to be creative to get them settled - Silas especially.  So I've learned that the power of a good story can work wonders - especially with a 3 year old.  My classic go-to trick is to find the nearest stuffed animal or toy and pretend that it's whispering a secret into my ear.  A secret which I then relay onto Silas.  Usually it goes something like this: "Mr. Froggy is so tired but he's having a hard time falling asleep.  He needs someone to help him, but who??"  This usually brings a smile out of Silas - probably in part because he knows I'm full of it, but also in part because he really likes the idea of helping out his little froggy friend.  Or I might say something like, "Elmo has never slept in your bed before and he's feeling a little nervous.  Could you hold him extra tight?"  And after Elmo is thoroughly tucked in and kissed goodnight I can remind Silas to whisper so that we don't wake Elmo up.

I'm telling you, this has saved many a bedtime and nap in our house.

This tactic can be brought to the dinner table as well (but I have to give credit to an episode of Yo Gabba Gabba that gave me the initial idea - haha).  Giving food a personality is surprisingly effective; "Silas, that first carrot you ate is having a big party in your tummy right now but the other one on your plate is sad because he wants to go to the party too!"  Silas is usually pretty pumped to help carrot #2 get to the tummy party.  Perhaps some might say I'm instilling a sense of guilt into my preschooler if he makes his vegetables sad.  But, in the big scheme of things?  I just want him to eat.

My honest desire is to be the parent that does everything "right"; the parent that disciplines my children appropriately even when it's inconvenient for me; the parent that wouldn't resort to bribery and princess-cups full of milk to get the desired results.  I'd like to be that parent.  And I think I'm working towards that.  But I think most of us agree that sometimes you just have to do what works.

Rearin' Its Ugly Head

I was sitting in the health unit the other day with the kids - waiting the customary 15 minutes after another round of immunizations - and I noticed the parenting pamphlets all along the wall. I was feeling a little smug as I glanced at the titles - potty training, starting solid foods, developmental milestones of the first year - thinking of the more "inexperienced" parents who might find that sort of information helpful; thinking, I've got 3 kids, people. I'm wa-a-ay beyond all that.

Then I glanced at a title that read "Sibling Rivalry" and my pride was squashed.

Yep, I grabbed it and read it hungrily - looking to glean any tidbits of wisdom that would help me decrease the amount of yelling and hitting and teasing and time-outs and loss of privileges, etc. that goes on in our house on an hourly basis.

Some of it was not surprising - the fact that each child needs our attention and unconditional love. It went on to say that competition for my attention is at the root of a lot of the problems. OK, this makes sense - but I try to give them individual attention (of course, I can always improve on giving more focused attention to each one every day). But, it went on to give examples of how we often compare our kids to each other, like:

"Micah, why can't you learn to eat tomatoes like Keziah?" or "Micah stays in his bed so well at night, why can't you do that too, Keziah?"

Those are more obvious negative comparisons - and I admit we say things like this at times. But telling them to be more like their sibling is probably not the healthiest form of motivation.

Then there are the less obvious comparison comments, like these:

"You're so great at colouring, Micah. Keziah can't even stay in the lines yet!" or "Keziah, you're so much braver than Micah at trying new things."

We mean to compliment our kids, but really we're just reinforcing the sense that we, as parents, are measuring our children against each other.

And how about those frequent comparison comments - made to other adults, but within earshot of our kids:

"When Micah was 4, he could already print his name, but Keziah hardly knows any of her letters yet."

Yep. Guilty, as charged.

So, Erik and I have been much more aware of our language these days. As well as being more intentional about spending time with each child and encouraging their individual interests.

All of this is easier said than done. Comparing our kids is a natural part of being a parent. But even though we know that their differences don't affect the amount we love and value them, our kids may not understand.

We haven't seen any major changes in our house yet. There's still a lot of fighting. And teasing. And threatening to "hate each other for the rest of the day", or better yet, put the other in prison (still not sure why they haven't figured out that their sibling does not have the legal authority to actually do this). The pamphlet did not contain a miracle cure (despite my high hopes...) BUT, it did help me see some small changes we can make that will - hopefully - help decrease the frequency of fighting in the long run.

And as much as I sometimes think we are the only home in the world that endures this much fighting among siblings, I know I must be wrong...

Right?

Food Fight

Sometimes I think a habit has to get really bad before you're willing to address it. You have to hit the breaking point before you realize that something's gotta change.

That's how I felt a few weeks ago when I realized that my kids were getting pickier and pickier about what they were eating. They've always been pretty decent eaters - eating certain things that other kids won't eat. But it was getting to the point where I was starting to make separate meals for them (something I thought I'd never do) and a few of the staple meals that they used to enjoy were suddenly becoming a fight. I hated the whining when we would go to someone else's place for supper - a basic meal like pizza was an issue because it tasted "different" than ours at home. I sensed we were on a downward spiral and I knew it would only get harder to change the longer I waited. So, one day the inspiration/motivation came to me. It was time to do something.

I decided that from now on the kids would eat what I serve them. The rules for myself (& Erik) were no nagging, no spoon feeding, no doing countdowns to coerce them into taking each bite. The rule for them was if they didn't finish what I had given them by the end of the meal then they would get it at the next meal or snack before they could have anything else (with the exception of breakfast). Keziah wouldn't eat her carrot soup the other night for supper. So, I heated up her bowl for lunch the next day and she still chose not to eat it. Finally, for afternoon snack, she grudgingly polished it off. I've always hesitated to "deprive" them of food - since my children fall in the "featherweight" category, but really, they are NOT going to starve themselves.

As for Silas, I can't quite reason with him yet so he's exempt from the rules - but I'm still serving him whatever I make, instead of assuming that he won't like it. He's surprised me a couple of times by eating something that I wouldn't have thought he would.

I'm not typing this to boast at what a wonderful mother I am.

OK, maybe a little bit of bragging - because last night I saw that my efforts were starting to pay off. I pulled out an old recipe I hadn't tried in awhile - probably stuck in the back of my recipe box because I figured the kids would NEVER eat it. One of those chicken & rice casseroles with mushroom soup and onion soup mix. A very non-descript colour of mush all mixed together (but tasty!). The whole time I was mixing it up, I was also gearing myself up for the fight that would surely ensue at the supper table shortly after.

But, to my surprise, it went relatively... well.

Micah took a bite and said, "it's not that good, but it's not that bad either" and he proceeded to eat the amount I told him to without a fight. Keziah was a bit more hesitant but ended up eating her serving before meal time was over. It, once again, reminded me that with a little perseverance (or maybe stubbornness?) on my part, we can conquer some bad habits.

Next challenge - sibling rivalry. Any suggestions??

Done

That one word describes how I'm feeling about this single-mommin'-it time. Erik has been gone for 2 1/2 weeks now. Week 1 was pretty good. I was enjoying being back in my own space after sharing a house with family for the summer, and we had the excitement of those first few days of school to look forward to. But by week 2, those feelings were starting to wear off... and so was my patience.

Now we're in week 3.

Micah asked me the other day why I was allowed to yell and he wasn't. Ummm.... yeah.

To sum up, I don't feel like I'm having my best mom moments these days. But, even though I hate how I feel like I'm doing more "refereeing" than parenting and that the TV seems to be on for more hours than I care to count up, I'm choosing not to feel too guilty about it. And I'm counting down the sleeps until Erik gets back!

I think this time away from Daddy has been wearing on the kids too. Or maybe they're just sick of me. But I feel like they have been EXTRA fighty this week. And yes. I just made up the word fighty.

In other news, tonight was "Meet the Teacher" night at Micah's school. I dropped Silas off with Grandma and me and the older 2 kids went to Micah's Kindergarten classroom.

This is where Micah sits - he was showing me how he practices writing his name every day in his "name book".

Showing Keziah what "circle time" is all about:

I'm pleasantly surprised to see how social Micah is with his classmates. There's one boy in particular that Micah talks about every day and I'm pleased to know he's already made a good friend. Here is Micah and his classmate Jade playing with some alphabet blocks tonight:

Micah is LOVING school - especially gym and recess. But he's also shown a sudden interest in learning to read. They've been reading "Chicka Chicka Boom Boom" this week at school and tonight Micah borrowed the book from Grandma's house and was sounding out the words all the way home. His small successes with reading seem to be motivating him right now, and hopefully that will continue.

Anyway, now it's off to sleep (only 3 more until Erik gets home!)

Parenthood

I feel like I'm always in a hurry. I just can't keep up with everything anymore! My house is turning into one of those houses with mail and school papers piling up on the countertops, newspapers stacked by the door, several hampers of clothes waiting by the laundry room, dishes piled up in the sink and toys cluttering all other available surfaces. And if I do happen to get on top of it all... well, we all know that the mess always returns. Surprisingly quickly.

I wonder why I even bother.

And it's hard to keep up with other things too. Like socializing on the internet :) I'm not sure why I feel guilty for not commenting on other people's blogs more or keeping up with their pictures on facebook or making sure my own blog up-to-date. Do I really need to keep up with all of THAT too?? I'm pretty sure the answer is no.

Silas spends a lot of time in this bouncy chair watching his Baby Mozart :)

Despite our exhausting days, we're feeling very blessed right now. Erik has been working consistently for the last couple of months and today he's starting a new job that will take us through another month. He’s been doing mostly renovations lately and has been enjoying it. It’s also nice for him to have “inside” work as we head into the rainy months.

We're also feeling very thankful for health. Other than some colds, we've all been feeling good! With everything that’s going on we just keep hoping that it will continue. We’re still undecided about the H1N1 vaccine. Or I should say that I’m undecided.

Micah displaying some recent magna-doodle artwork:

Speaking of the flu, I read an email forward last month (from my mom, I think) about keeping onions in your house to keep the flu away. It sounds kind of superstitious, but there was some information to back it up (which you can read about here). I actually found quite a bit of information on the internet about using onions to combat the flu. So I felt a little silly but I put one unpeeled onion in every room of our house. If it works, then great! And, if not, I’ve only wasted $1.99 :)




Latetly my greatest frustration is how much these kids fight!!! I know they aren't the first siblings who are at each other all the time, but I honestly don't know how to deal with it. I've tried giving time-outs and spankings. I've tried ignoring it all together (until someone gets whalloped in the head). I've tried sending them to their rooms for individual play-time. The last one works the best, but I'm not sure that's a realistic solution for every fight...


The kids find way too much pleasure in teasing each other. Like yesterday when we were driving and Micah told Keziah that he was going to punch her in the face once we got out of the van. Or when he chases her around the house with a fake spider. And Little Miss Keziah isn't innocent either. Her favourite line is, "Micah, I'm gonna put you in prison!!" which makes Micah cry...

Anyone have some good advice for me? Some helpful parenting books to try??


Silas remains innocent of the sibling rivalry for the time being. He's turning into a pudge-bucket. And he loves to give us big big smiles...


I took this video on Sunday afternoon after we all had nap-time. For some reason Silas laughs the hardest when the kids hit his belly. Funny - but sometimes a little bit rough!