Just Call Me The Walking Water Balloon

I'm officially 38 weeks and in the "full-term, could-have-this-baby-at-anytime (but-probably-won't-for-awhile) phase"...

My biggest complaint at this late stage is definitely the water retention.  I thought my ankles were getting a little puffy a few weeks ago.  I remember sitting in the 30+ degree heat at the parade on Canada day and feeling like my feet were growing with each passing minute.  But it was nothing compared to the cankles that have developed since...

Let me tell you, until you've felt the tops of your feet jiggle when you walk, you haven't lived folks.

Last week (at 37 weeks) I had appointments with both my OB (to monitor my diabetes) and my midwife.  I've been a little concerned about the fact that I'm still packing on the pounds week to week and also the fact that I've been consistently measuring a week or 2 bigger than I really am.  It's frustrating when I know that I've been eating better than I ever have in pregnancy before and yet still growing "too fast".  I was starting to imagine the monstrous giant baby that I was going to have to push out...  Then, to make matters worse, both the OB and the midwife measured me at 41 weeks!  (That's a whole month bigger than I should've been at week 37 in case you need help doing the math...!)  In fact the OB was even hesitant to tell me the number because it was so shocking.  He didn't seem overly concerned about it since my blood sugar levels have been really good, so I was anxious to see what the midwife would say the next day.  After she measured me, she felt baby's position in my belly and told me that she didn't think baby was overly big.  But she said it felt like there was a lot of extra fluid in there, which would explain the uber-big belly.  The extra fluid is likely a by-product of the diabetes and it explains the crazy fluid retention in my feet and hands as well.  Yesterday I went back for my 38 week appointment and the measurement was 42.5.  It was enough growth in a week to warrant a late-pregnancy ultrasound, which I went for this morning.  Now I wait to hear the verdict from the midwife - depending on the size of the baby and the amount of fluid, there may be cause to induce early.

In the meantime she suggested a few natural remedies - raspberry leaf tea and evening primrose oil to help ripen the cervix and hopefully help me go into labour earlier than later, and dandelion root tea to help reduce water retention.  I have to drink multiple cups of both teas for them to be helpful, so I've created a concoction of tea and some sugar-free lemonade crystals.  When it's chilled it tastes pretty good - which is helpful since I'm trying to get through 2 pitchers per day.

As much as I would love to go into labour on my own, it's hard to keep to that resolve as you near the end and grow more and more uncomfortable.  And with measuring over 40 weeks I feel as though I'm already overdue and I can't imagine how much more my belly could grow if I go too far past my due date.  I think I'm officially ready for this pregnancy to be over.  And after seeing my big baby girl on the ultrasound this morning I am more excited than ever to meet her and hold her in my arms.  

Plus I'll be pretty pumped to get my ankles back.  

Just sayin.

The Homestretch

It seems there are really 2 major projects to be updated on these days:
Project House-Addition & Project Baby-Addition

The house hasn't changed much since I last posted, so we'll make this particular update about Baby Toews...

(32 weeks)

She certainly hasn't stopped growing in the last couple of weeks.  In fact, when I went in for my recent visit at 31.5 weeks, I was measuring at 33 weeks.  I'm pretty sure I always measured right on or even a little smaller with my other pregnancies (even though the rest of me seemed enormous).  Perhaps this means that I'll deliver earlier than I did with the others?

Ahh, likely wishful thinking.

The real reason I'm making a big baby this time is probably because I've been diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes :(

I was pretty shocked to hear that I had "failed" my glucose test at around 28 weeks since I had never had any problems with this test in the past.  And after watching my sister-in-law deal with GD a few months back I thought, really, what are the chances?

But it just so happened that my levels were high enough to lump me in the diabetic category.  So after a 3 hour diabetes training session at the hospital I implemented a new diet and started checking my blood glucose levels several times a day.  Now that I've been at it for a few weeks it really isn't so terrible.  I've found some decent replacements for the sugary sweets that I crave.  In the grocery store I keep my eyes peeled for items labeled sugar-free or no sugar added.  I quickly learned that the diabetic candy is actually kept in the pharmacy section of most grocery stores (go figure!)  I've learned to be careful about which fruits I choose to eat (hint: tropical fruits are higher in sugar than fruit grown in North America...)  And I've learned to be mindful of the sugar content in things like breads, chips and french fries...  It seems strange to be on the prowl for artificially sweetened foods when I've grown accustomed to the idea that "natural is best".   But thankfully it's only temporary.  And in the meantime I'm grateful for sugar-free options to curb those pregnancy cravings...

The bonus to all of this is that the numbers on the scale have slowed down significantly.  And hopefully I will have less to lose when all is said and done.  Of course, it could go the other way - when the baby is born and I can have sugar back in my life, I may just pack on all the pounds after all...  Oh well.  We'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

It's funny how I thought I was huge 3 months ago.  I forgot how big "huge" really is.  And I've still got  8 or 9 weeks to grow.  I've discovered that my belly has become a bit of an unwieldy battering ram.  Silas' head happens to be right at the same height as my rounded tummy and I have 'belly-checked' him multiple times in the last several weeks.  Whether we're trying to fit through a doorway at the same time or I simply turn around too quickly with him beside me... It's a bit humorous how many times I've nearly knocked him off his feet with it.

With the 3rd trimester well under way I'm starting to experience a lot more aches, pains and exhaustion.    Simple tasks are starting to feel overwhelming and when the days are a little hotter like they have been, it seems like I'm doing everything in slow motion, especially by late afternoon.  I've determined that an afternoon nap is vital in helping me function with those school pick-up to bedtime hours.

Thankfully we have a welcome addition to the farm these days that has made both the late afternoon hours and the heat a little more bearable.  This previously owned pool has seen better days (and is losing water daily despite our patching attempts) but it has already provided hours of entertainment for the kids.  And I may or may not have awkwardly climbed my pregnant self in there and lounged on that green floaty tube.

I can foresee much more swimming/lounging happening here in the next couple of months.

It's hard to believe we're in the home stretch of this pregnancy.  School will be done in a few short weeks and then the real countdown is on!

So Long 2nd Trimester

After the nausea and exhaustion of the first trimester finally petered off, this pregnancy has really flown by.  The 2nd trimester is gone and I'm entering the last 3 months of pregnancy!  I did think it was going by quite fast until one day last week when 3 separate people asked me how much longer I had to go.  They didn't say it in so many words but I could see in their eyes what they really were thinking - that they figured I must be "nearing my time."  It feels quite humbling to reply that, "No, I'm only in my 2nd trimester...  I still have 3 months to go."  In truth it's probably more like 3 and a half months with my track record, but I figure most people don't need to be bothered with those details...

(26 weeks)

The other question I'm getting asked these days now that I'm very visibly with-child is: "How are you feeling?"  The quick answer is "Great!"  Because compared to the gagging, nauseating, exhausting first trimester, the second one is a breeze.  I'm not sure how much detail people really want when they ask the question, but I did think of some other possible responses...

1. "I think I've developed a food addiction." - This happened sometime in the last 3 months when the need to eat to stifle nausea turned into a plain need to eat.  I'm pretty sure I spend about 99% of my day thinking about food.  When I'm not eating I'm thinking about when and what I'm going to eat next.  And when I am eating, I'm thinking about what I'm going to eat after I finish what I'm currently eating.  Trips to the grocery store result in multiple impulse buys that are usually polished off within a day or 2.  I can't follow the old adage to "not shop when you're hungry" because it simply is never the case.

(26 weeks, 5 days)

2. "I feel like a whale." - I suppose this response and the last one go hand-in-hand.  No matter how much I determine at the beginning of each pregnancy that this time will be different, it just is what it is.  I don't know whether it's my habits or just my body type but I've come to the conclusion that when I'm pregnant, I'm pregnant all over.  The first time I was pregnant I was completely enamoured with the whole process and fully embraced the burgeoning belly.  I was totally oblivious to the fact that I was burgeoning everywhere else too.  I remember seeing a picture of myself in my 3rd trimester and wondering why it looked like my eyes were disappearing when I smiled.  Now I'm annoyingly aware of my rounder pregnant face every time I look in the mirror.  This pregnancy we have a digital scale - the jury's still out as to whether this is helpful or not - but I just can't seem to stop myself from stepping on it every single morning.  When the second trimester hits they tell you to expect to gain a pound a week.  But between 20-26 weeks I'm pretty sure I saw the scale jump up a pound every couple of days.  I figured at this rate I might literally be a whale by the beginning of August.  Thankfully the increase seems to have finally slowed down.

3. "Tums are my new best friend." - Some days, no matter what I eat, I feel that uncomfortable burning in my throat.  Who knew water could give you heart burn?   Needless to say, my staple bedside snack in the last month has routinely been a couple of berry flavoured antacids.

4. "I'm considering adult diapers." - Let's face it.  After 3 natural childbirths and the weight of a 6 month belly, it is nearly impossible to retain the contents of one's bladder.  When the urge strikes, a bathroom must be found.  And fast.  I'm thinking a pair of Depends might just save me some time.  And some laundry.

5. "I'm getting practiced up for sleepless nights with a newborn." - Besides getting up multiple times to go to the bathroom, I've started experiencing a bit of pregnancy insomnia. If I get woken up for any reason after 3 am I might as well just get up for the day.  In fact, I started writing this post in my head at 4 in the morning and finally decided to just get up and actually type it out.  It is nearly 5:30 now - the sun is almost up, the birds are wide-awake and apparently I'm wide awake as well.  At least I can look forward to an afternoon nap... :)

6. "My belly has a life of it's own." - Feeling the baby move has got to be my favourite part of pregnancy.  Hands-down.  So this isn't so much a pregnancy complaint as an observation.  All 4 of my children have been very active in-utero, making the idea of laying down to do a "kick-count" seem quite ridiculous.  Already I can sit and watch my belly jump and vibrate - usually when I'm sitting down in the evenings.  The kids have each had a chance to feel the activity of their little sister.  Silas has the least patience to sit still and wait for a kick (often he'll put his hands on my belly quickly and tell me that he feels her moving even though I know he can't feel anything).  But the other day he had his hand in just the right spot when his baby sister gave such a big kick that it startled both of us.  He's felt smaller kicks before, but this time his eyes got really big with the realization that there truly is a little person in there!

Despite all the discomforts and annoyances of growing a child, I still enter each day with a deep sense of thankfulness for this amazing gift.  This is a child that, at one point, seemed like an unlikely possibility.  I grieved over the realization that our family might be complete with 3 kids; I felt so sad at the thought that I would never again feel a little one moving inside me or hold my very own newborn again.  I am so, SO grateful to get to experience all of this just one last time.  It really feels like an undeserved blessing.  And the fact that it's a girl - a sister for Keziah and the perfect fit to our family's puzzle - is equally amazing.

Erik joked the other week that now that we're having 4, we might as well just keep going.  Why stop now?  And Silas likes to talk about our next baby or when Mommy's pregnant the next time...
Sorry boys, but I think after this one we are really and truly finished!

Pink or Blue?

Well.... the gender results are in from the ultrasound and we know what this baby's going to be!

But first, our family weighed in their votes: 4 votes for girl and 1 vote for boy (thanks to Silas for weighing in for the male gender).

Well, I guess majority wins...

Pink it is!

At the ultrasound, the kids were anxiously asking the ultrasound technician if the baby was a boy or a girl - Micah was chanting "please be a girl, please be a girl!" and Silas came back with "please be a boy!" I had to remind them a couple of times that she couldn't actually tell us at the ultrasound and that we were going to have to wait a little bit longer.  But the technician told us she was 99% sure what it was, and the last thing she said to our little family was that "it should even things out."  Even Micah was clever enough to pick up on that hint :)  The midwife confirmed that the technician believes she saw a little girl in there...  (Even though we realize there's still a chance that we could be surprised by a boy!)

So there is plenty of excitement in our house as we anticipate the arrival of a little sister for Micah, Keziah & Silas!  (And I'm breathing a little sigh of relief since we already have a girls name picked out and not a CLUE for a boy!)

Sibling Reaction

For the past couple of years we've been periodically asking the kids what they thought about adding another baby to our family.  We wanted to test their openness to it, and maybe we hoped for some sort of confirmation one way or the other through their childish reflections :)  Their responses were varied - often they said that our family needed another girl to make things even, or Micah's common response was, "Well, if God wants us to!"  (Wise words from a child...)

Several months ago Micah announced to me in the van that he would indeed like to have another sibling.  When he expanded on it, he explained that, "Well, it would be really nice for Keziah to have a baby.  She would love that."  (Such a sweet brother...)  I told him that maybe he could help me pray that God would give us a baby.  

Fast forward to early December and I was "testing the waters" again, asking the kids what they thought about having another baby.  This time Micah's response was, "No.  I decided I don't want any more kids in our family."  At this point, of course, it was much too late.  So, I was curious as to how the kids would react to the big news.

We decided to tell them about the baby shortly before Christmas.  We were planning to announce it to our families over the holidays and we wanted the kids to hear it from us first.  So, we told them we had an early Christmas gift to to give them...

Erik stopped filming right before Micah announced (again) that he had decided that he didn't want another baby...  We explained that, at this point, it was coming whether he liked it or not :)

Thankfully the shock passed quickly and now the kids are very excited and inquisitive about everything.  They named their sibling "Baby Blue" since it was about the size of a blueberry when we first told them.  And Micah had a grand time announcing to my family at Christmas that "Mommy's pregnant!"  Silas loves scrolling through the in-utero pictures in the pregnancy app on my iphone - always proclaiming when he gets to the week where baby "opens her eyes!"  Keziah writes to me about the baby in our Mommy-Daughter journal and tells me that she is most excited to hold it.

As for gender, Micah and Keziah are quite set on having a girl - Keziah, for obvious reasons, and Micah, simply because it makes practical sense :)  Silas wants it to be a boy (and yet always seems to refer to it as she/her).  So, I think this time we're going to try to find out the gender, in the hopes that it will prepare all of us for what's coming in 6 months!

The Scoop

As soon as our big news was out, I felt like I could breathe a sigh of relief.  I don't like living in secrecy (or "living a lie" as I have sometimes described it :)  Though I admit this time it wasn't as hard to keep the news to ourselves.  Mostly, I think, because it wasn't on anyone's radar (I remember a time when I was careful about what I wore, or afraid to say I wasn't feeling good, because I figured people would assume I must be pregnant again!) Being away for 2 weeks over Christmas helped with the secrecy too.  And as the baby bump has become more obvious I've had the benefit of a winter jacket to hide any evidence.

Though really, the bump is not really "baby" yet...  I mean, the baby's in there somewhere... but right now he or she is just pushing everything else up and out.  By everything else, I mean a bit extra that wasn't there when I was pregnant 9 years ago for the first time...  But that's ok. The "bump" might be soft and squishy right now, but it's still evidence of a smaller being that is slowly overtaking my abdominal space.

With letting the news out, we've encountered the inevitable question: "Was this a surprise?"  Of course, with our youngest at almost age 4 (and all of them spaced about 2 years apart each), it's a natural question.  The answer, though, isn't a simple yes or no.

I always wanted to have 4 kids for as long as I can remember.  Erik was more on the 3-kid bandwagon in our early years but I always knew I could convince him to go for the 4th - especially since we both grew up in 4-kid families.  The whole time I was pregnant with Silas, I never once thought he would be my last.  And even the months after he was born, when the chaos of 3 kids took it's toll, I still planned to have just one more.  When Silas was about 2, Erik felt like it was "now or never" to go for that last one because he didn't want them to be too far apart.  But, I had just spent 6 years in the baby stage and really couldn't imagine going back to square one all over again at that point.  I started entertaining the idea that maybe I could be content with 3.  I should've known myself better - and that the contentment would be short-lived.  Over the next several months we started hearing of friends who were having a 4th baby.  I would see pictures of families with 4 kids and realize that I really, really wanted to be that family.  So, Erik and I agreed to let nature take its course and see what happened.  The last time we left it up to "nature" Silas showed up promptly 9 months later.  So, in my mind, the whole 4th kid was a done deal.

But then months passed.  And more months.  Silas turned 3 and I started to wonder if my vision of a 4th baby would never come to pass.  After a little research, we deduced that our "infertility" was likely due to a medication that Erik had started taking (and had to continue taking).  Pregnancy seemed highly unlikely after we made that discovery.  A whole year passed and then some, and I was wrestling between contentment with my current family (I felt so greedy wanting another one when I already have 3 healthy kids!) and the lack of closure (what if there was still a possibility of getting pregnant??).  I felt a deeper empathy for all the friends we've known over the years who have struggled with infertility for so much longer just to have 1 or 2 kids.  It struck me that even though I always felt like I could control the number of kids we had and how far apart they'd be... I really couldn't!  I had no choice but to surrender the outcome to God and pray that I would be content with his answer.

And then... all of a sudden, I was pregnant.

So, in a sense, it was a surprise.  A good surprise.  A hoped-for surprise - but a surprise nonetheless.  And the worrying wasn't over, because I was so very aware of the frailty of this pregnancy - having waited for it and knowing so many others who have lost their little ones.  But my pregnancy symptoms reassured me with their unyielding presence (Christmas was a bit nauseating for me unfortunately).  Then 2 weeks ago I heard the tiny galloping heartbeat for the first time - music to my ears.  And even though it seems insanely early, I can already feel this little one tumbling around inside.  (The midwife assured me that it was indeed possible and I wasn't losing my mind!)  So, slowly it is sinking in more and more that this is really happening.  And I feel completely and utterly blessed by this gift.

(As for the kids, their reaction is another story.  Stay tuned for the video we took of sharing the news with them!)

Surprise...

Well folks, it's time to let the cat out of the bag.  There's something I've been hiding under bulky sweaters and winter jackets for the last 12 weeks or so...

That's right, you guessed it...

Little Toewsie number FOUR is scheduled to arrive sometime around August 1st :)