Four

Silas turned 4 today.

I can't believe how quickly he's growing up.  I can clearly remember the March morning that he was born.  I feel nostalgic about him becoming a big boy and yet if there wasn't another baby on the way I think I would feel much more sad about the rapid passing of time and how quickly we have entered a different phase as a family.

There are many great things I could say about this boy.  He is SO loveable.  And the fact that he doesn't want to sit still and snuggle anymore makes us want to squeeze him all the more :)  He's a true third child - making everyone laugh at the right moments and keeping the whole family entertained by his charm and silliness.  

And we're not sure whether he comes by it naturally or if it's a result of having an older brother who is into all things hockey, but this boy loves his stick and puck.  

On rainy days he spends his time on the kitchen floor, mini-stick in hand and ball flying.  On sunny days, he takes me out to the street to show me his "slap-shot", "back-hander" and how he can shoot the ball through the "5-hole".  The phrase I hear about 25 times a day is: "Mom, watch the replay!" and then I have to patiently wait while he does a slow-motion reenactment of whatever amazing play just occurred...

He shoots...

He scores!!

He doesn't have much patience for toys and imaginary play, but give the kid a ball or a swing or a shovel or a bike and he'll be happy as a clam.  He's an outside kid through-and-through.  This year he learned to pump his legs on the swing and ride a pedal bike (he's already graduated from the strider we gave him last year).  He's also a natural at hockey - so Erik says - and can keep up with Micah and the neighbour boys.

I may not share his affinity for sports but I am definitely in love with my little Siley-bear.  I think I'm going to miss having him as my "baby", and when he goes off to preschool in the fall I might be a bit lost without his silly charm.

Happy birthday Silas!

Jamie Toews: Official Cattle Wrangler

I think I earned my cowboy spurs this week.  

Monday started innocently enough when we looked out the window after breakfast and saw that there was a new baby calf!  The older kids were home because of Spring Break so we all booted up and went outside to get a closer look.  It looked like the event had occurred very recently as the calf was still wet and struggling to stand.  Our 1-year-old jersey calf Patches was super interested in this new "friend", which seemed really sweet at first glance.  But I quickly realized he had more on his mind than befriending this new little calf...

Exhibit A:

If you remember, I used to bottle-feed Patches twice a day when we first got him last spring.  Then I worked with him many times to wean him off of said bottle.  So the two of us have a bit of a history and I have an overall affinity for the little guy.  But after watching him mount this newest addition repeatedly and noticing that the calf would collapse under his weight - and wasn't getting a chance to be cleaned off or try to nurse from Mama Cocoa - I was starting to get annoyed.

With Erik's parents in Saskatchewan and Erik tied up at work, I felt a strong sense of responsibility to "save" baby Bambi (named by the kids, of course) from her perverse predator.  So enter me, my rubber boots and my pregnant belly (with 3 other kids shadowing closely behind).

And this challenging terrain to maneuver through...

The challenge was this: luring Patches away without getting too close to Mama Cocoa - who would no doubt feel threatened by my presence (let alone my 3 tag-alongs) and do who-knows-what to protect her new baby.  And I needed to lure Patches a long way to the barn where I could lock him up in a pen.  We had just run out of grain - which seemed like it would be the perfect bait for him - so I first tried shaking some rocks in a bucket.  Patches seemed only slightly curious and the only thing it served to do was attract the other cows to see what I had for them.  Not successful.

After a bit of brainstorming, I decided to try again.  This time I grabbed some fresh hay from the barn and put a bit of dog food in the bottom of my bucket (it seemed more realistic than the rocks I guess).  Then I searched for a rope and made a lasso - at this point I must've been tapping into my inner farmer... or perhaps my inner Wonder-Pet... (you could hear the kids and I singing, "to help the baby calf and save the day!").

After watching Patches repeatedly "offend" the baby calf and Cocoa idly standing by, I was more determined than ever that my plan needed to work.  This time I got as close as I dared and did my best job of making the hay and pail of dog food look appealing to the occupied Patches.  Lucky for me he took the bait and I had my lasso ready to get around his neck and cinch tight.  And another lucky thing was that we were close to a fence post where I could quickly tie him up - out of reach of baby Bambi.

It was a bit of an adrenaline rush, I'm telling you.  And I felt a deep sense of satisfaction when I watched him struggle against my amateur rope-tying job while Cocoa was finally able to tend to her new baby.

But of course the drama wasn't over.  I won't get into too many details, but basically Patches got out of his rope eventually and made a bee-line for Bambi where he proceeded to violate her repeatedly for the next few hours.  I watched and waited for an opportune time and managed to get him roped up again - this time was trickier as he was in the middle of the field with no fence posts nearby to attach him to.  So envision me smacking his rump, pulling him by the horns, and just plain tugging with all my might.  After some sweat and some patience I finally got him tied back up.  And there he stayed until Erik got home a few hours later.

Now Patches the Offender is where he belongs.
Behind bars.

And Mama Cocoa and Baby Bambi (who we suspect is a female) got in their all-important bonding time.

So, I don't know about you, but I pretty much think I just single-handedly earned some sort of 4H badge or something...

At the very least I think I deserve a cute pair of cowboy boots.

Pink or Blue?

Well.... the gender results are in from the ultrasound and we know what this baby's going to be!

But first, our family weighed in their votes: 4 votes for girl and 1 vote for boy (thanks to Silas for weighing in for the male gender).

Well, I guess majority wins...

Pink it is!

At the ultrasound, the kids were anxiously asking the ultrasound technician if the baby was a boy or a girl - Micah was chanting "please be a girl, please be a girl!" and Silas came back with "please be a boy!" I had to remind them a couple of times that she couldn't actually tell us at the ultrasound and that we were going to have to wait a little bit longer.  But the technician told us she was 99% sure what it was, and the last thing she said to our little family was that "it should even things out."  Even Micah was clever enough to pick up on that hint :)  The midwife confirmed that the technician believes she saw a little girl in there...  (Even though we realize there's still a chance that we could be surprised by a boy!)

So there is plenty of excitement in our house as we anticipate the arrival of a little sister for Micah, Keziah & Silas!  (And I'm breathing a little sigh of relief since we already have a girls name picked out and not a CLUE for a boy!)

Love Month & Other Things

Valentine's Day came and went. 

And there was a lot of sugar consumed...

BC had it's very first Family Day this year (a week earlier than the rest of the country's Family Day - go figure).  Unfortunately Erik could not participate so it just felt like a long day at home with the kids...

I decided to try to make it fun by baking Valentine's sugar cookies with the kids. But I think the first 1/2 hour of the process was spent fighting over which stool each kid got to stand on, who got to pour the sugar in and who's turn it was to use the mixer...

  

And then there's me watching flour go everywhere and silently reminding myself that it's just flour - we can clean it up later...

After the mixing, it was time for the rolling and cutting.  More mess for sure.  And more drama as the kids fought over the only 2 heart cookie cutters I had.  Silas must've lost interest in the process by the time I took this picture.  Likely sneaking in some screen time in another room...

While Silas napped (I'm so thankful he still does most days) the older kids and I got a head start on the decorating.  Eliminating one child from the equation made this part so much less chaotic...  Other than me reminding the kids every couple of minutes not to lick the knives they were using for spreading (sorry to anyone who shared these cookies with us...)

We used this sugar cookie recipe, which calls for sour cream and makes super soft cookies.

Valentine's came a few days later and we celebrated Love Day as a family...

Pizza was on the menu and I cut them out using my big heart-shaped cookie cutter.  A bit labour-intensive compared to regular pizza...

But worth it.
I think.

Other exciting happenings of this last month included welcoming our newest cousin/nephew to the world.  A few days before Valentine's, Sawyer James was born - the kids were already in their PJs when we got the news but we quickly packed them all up and headed to the hospital to meet him for the first time.

It was fun to explain to the kids that this is how they would meet their new sibling for the first time.  I think they were pretty excited about the idea.

I'm now 17 weeks pregnant and feeling great.  Just... growing.  Up until yesterday I was making do with stretchy leggings and my regular jeans with an elastic band stretching from button to button hole - but the old elastic band trick just wasn't really cutting it anymore.  And when I recently went through my bag of maternity clothes from my previous pregnancies I felt like throwing up a little bit.  Some of those clothes I bought nine years ago.  Needless to say they are just not working for me in 2013.  Erik's mantra this pregnancy has been "We are not buying ANYTHING new for this baby."  But sorry honey, Mama just has to feel somewhat pretty for the next 5 or 6 months - something to counteract the visual of those numbers creeping up on the scale every morning...

Happy Love Month to me!

Screen-Time Detox

Over the last few months I've become painfully aware that Silas is a full-on screen-time addict.  If it's not a TV show or a movie, he's asking to play on the computer or the Wii.  And when we're out shopping or waiting during ballet practice, all he wants is to play on my iphone...  

I think the problem really escalated in the last months of me feeling exhausted and nauseated 90% of the time.  Silas wakes up at 6 am like clockwork, so I of course turn on the TV, give him his milk and then head back to bed.  And then while the older kids are at school and I'm muddling through my day, I don't have the willpower to turn off the laptop or the TV after he's obviously had enough. 

Now, as soon as the screens are turned off, Silas proclaims that he is B.O.R.E.D!  The kid has forgotten how to play.  So now that I am feeling much improved and more energetic I've decided it's time for some screen-time detox.  

It's not easy, let me tell you.  The boy has a short attention span for anything that does not involve staring at a screen (that he could do for hours, let me tell you!)  This morning we played with play-dough for all of 5 minutes before going on to the next thing - painting.  I really resist taking out the painting stuff since it seems overwhelming for such a short amount of play, but he stuck with it for about 20 minutes and actually enjoyed rinsing out his paint container at the end so it wasn't really that painful.  Then we read our new library books, but that didn't take much time at all.

At that point I really had some stuff I wanted to get done and that's where the true test comes because when he is asking for screen-time and I'm really busy, it is just far too tempting to give in.  But today I had resolved to be strong, so I pulled out an idea from my Pinterest board.  All it takes is baking soda, vinegar and food colouring.  It also helps to have a medicine dropper (took me awhile to track one of these down since we haven't administered infant tylenol or vitamin D drops in a couple years!)

Mix the vinegar with different colours...

And give your kid a plate full of baking soda.  After that, they can drop away and create colourful little volcanic eruptions.

Silas loved the sound of the "fizz".

This activity didn't last 2 hours (like it apparently did for the pinner's kid).  Not even 1 hour.  We're talking 20-30 minutes tops.  But hey.  It gave me a chance to make the mango salsa for tonight's delicious dinner recipe so I call that a success.

And to keep things real, I did let Silas watch TV after managing to hold him off for a couple of hours.  But that too, I consider a success.

Baby steps people.  Baby steps.

Sibling Reaction

For the past couple of years we've been periodically asking the kids what they thought about adding another baby to our family.  We wanted to test their openness to it, and maybe we hoped for some sort of confirmation one way or the other through their childish reflections :)  Their responses were varied - often they said that our family needed another girl to make things even, or Micah's common response was, "Well, if God wants us to!"  (Wise words from a child...)

Several months ago Micah announced to me in the van that he would indeed like to have another sibling.  When he expanded on it, he explained that, "Well, it would be really nice for Keziah to have a baby.  She would love that."  (Such a sweet brother...)  I told him that maybe he could help me pray that God would give us a baby.  

Fast forward to early December and I was "testing the waters" again, asking the kids what they thought about having another baby.  This time Micah's response was, "No.  I decided I don't want any more kids in our family."  At this point, of course, it was much too late.  So, I was curious as to how the kids would react to the big news.

We decided to tell them about the baby shortly before Christmas.  We were planning to announce it to our families over the holidays and we wanted the kids to hear it from us first.  So, we told them we had an early Christmas gift to to give them...

Erik stopped filming right before Micah announced (again) that he had decided that he didn't want another baby...  We explained that, at this point, it was coming whether he liked it or not :)

Thankfully the shock passed quickly and now the kids are very excited and inquisitive about everything.  They named their sibling "Baby Blue" since it was about the size of a blueberry when we first told them.  And Micah had a grand time announcing to my family at Christmas that "Mommy's pregnant!"  Silas loves scrolling through the in-utero pictures in the pregnancy app on my iphone - always proclaiming when he gets to the week where baby "opens her eyes!"  Keziah writes to me about the baby in our Mommy-Daughter journal and tells me that she is most excited to hold it.

As for gender, Micah and Keziah are quite set on having a girl - Keziah, for obvious reasons, and Micah, simply because it makes practical sense :)  Silas wants it to be a boy (and yet always seems to refer to it as she/her).  So, I think this time we're going to try to find out the gender, in the hopes that it will prepare all of us for what's coming in 6 months!

The Scoop

As soon as our big news was out, I felt like I could breathe a sigh of relief.  I don't like living in secrecy (or "living a lie" as I have sometimes described it :)  Though I admit this time it wasn't as hard to keep the news to ourselves.  Mostly, I think, because it wasn't on anyone's radar (I remember a time when I was careful about what I wore, or afraid to say I wasn't feeling good, because I figured people would assume I must be pregnant again!) Being away for 2 weeks over Christmas helped with the secrecy too.  And as the baby bump has become more obvious I've had the benefit of a winter jacket to hide any evidence.

Though really, the bump is not really "baby" yet...  I mean, the baby's in there somewhere... but right now he or she is just pushing everything else up and out.  By everything else, I mean a bit extra that wasn't there when I was pregnant 9 years ago for the first time...  But that's ok. The "bump" might be soft and squishy right now, but it's still evidence of a smaller being that is slowly overtaking my abdominal space.

With letting the news out, we've encountered the inevitable question: "Was this a surprise?"  Of course, with our youngest at almost age 4 (and all of them spaced about 2 years apart each), it's a natural question.  The answer, though, isn't a simple yes or no.

I always wanted to have 4 kids for as long as I can remember.  Erik was more on the 3-kid bandwagon in our early years but I always knew I could convince him to go for the 4th - especially since we both grew up in 4-kid families.  The whole time I was pregnant with Silas, I never once thought he would be my last.  And even the months after he was born, when the chaos of 3 kids took it's toll, I still planned to have just one more.  When Silas was about 2, Erik felt like it was "now or never" to go for that last one because he didn't want them to be too far apart.  But, I had just spent 6 years in the baby stage and really couldn't imagine going back to square one all over again at that point.  I started entertaining the idea that maybe I could be content with 3.  I should've known myself better - and that the contentment would be short-lived.  Over the next several months we started hearing of friends who were having a 4th baby.  I would see pictures of families with 4 kids and realize that I really, really wanted to be that family.  So, Erik and I agreed to let nature take its course and see what happened.  The last time we left it up to "nature" Silas showed up promptly 9 months later.  So, in my mind, the whole 4th kid was a done deal.

But then months passed.  And more months.  Silas turned 3 and I started to wonder if my vision of a 4th baby would never come to pass.  After a little research, we deduced that our "infertility" was likely due to a medication that Erik had started taking (and had to continue taking).  Pregnancy seemed highly unlikely after we made that discovery.  A whole year passed and then some, and I was wrestling between contentment with my current family (I felt so greedy wanting another one when I already have 3 healthy kids!) and the lack of closure (what if there was still a possibility of getting pregnant??).  I felt a deeper empathy for all the friends we've known over the years who have struggled with infertility for so much longer just to have 1 or 2 kids.  It struck me that even though I always felt like I could control the number of kids we had and how far apart they'd be... I really couldn't!  I had no choice but to surrender the outcome to God and pray that I would be content with his answer.

And then... all of a sudden, I was pregnant.

So, in a sense, it was a surprise.  A good surprise.  A hoped-for surprise - but a surprise nonetheless.  And the worrying wasn't over, because I was so very aware of the frailty of this pregnancy - having waited for it and knowing so many others who have lost their little ones.  But my pregnancy symptoms reassured me with their unyielding presence (Christmas was a bit nauseating for me unfortunately).  Then 2 weeks ago I heard the tiny galloping heartbeat for the first time - music to my ears.  And even though it seems insanely early, I can already feel this little one tumbling around inside.  (The midwife assured me that it was indeed possible and I wasn't losing my mind!)  So, slowly it is sinking in more and more that this is really happening.  And I feel completely and utterly blessed by this gift.

(As for the kids, their reaction is another story.  Stay tuned for the video we took of sharing the news with them!)

Surprise...

Well folks, it's time to let the cat out of the bag.  There's something I've been hiding under bulky sweaters and winter jackets for the last 12 weeks or so...

That's right, you guessed it...

Little Toewsie number FOUR is scheduled to arrive sometime around August 1st :)

Manitoba Christmas

It's been almost a week since we returned from our Christmas adventure to the prairies of Manitoba.  The sunny winter wonderland felt like a distant memory this week as we trudged back to school in our rubber boots through ankle-deep rain puddles under endless gray skies...

A road trip is never without some drama and adventure, and, believe me, this trip didn't disappoint!  We drove through the States this time - 3 days of driving and 2 nights in hotels.  Here's a brief synopsis of how the whole trip went down:

Day 1 - People are in good health and good spirits.  Roads are great and we're excited for Christmas.

Night 1 - (Coeur D'Alene, Idaho) Silas starts throwing up in the night.  I wake up feeling achy and feverish.  And so the sickness begins...

Day 2 - Silas and I hang out in the back seat together doing a lot of sleeping.  Silas starts having a major throw-up just as we're pulling into a rest stop and Erik manages to pull him out of his car seat and out of the van before the spewing begins.  We consider it a major success that we only have to change his shirt.

Night 2 - (Billings, Montana) We stay in a super cheap hotel with a waterslide - kids who are feeling slightly under the weather magically perk up and make multiple trips up and down the slide.  1 hour later things start going downhill as sickness kicks in once again.

Day 3 - Keziah wakes up puking.  I feel achy and disgusting. Micah and Silas aren't doing so hot either.  Amazingly, Erik is in optimal health and I'm praying it stays that way as I have no intention of doing any driving.  After a rough morning of travel, we make a stop in frigid Bismark, North Dakota to stock up on drugs and puke buckets.  Around 7:30 pm on Christmas Eve we finally make it to my parents house.  

We were pretty wiped.

The first few days the kids and I still felt pretty sick.  There was a lot of coughing and sneezing and nose-running and tylenol-taking.  The puking subsided for the most part other than Boxing Day when it was time for a family picture.  While the rest of the Harder family was waiting for us outside in the -27 cold, Silas and Micah decided to simultaneously puke (only one made it to the toilet) and then proceed to whine and cry loudly while we dressed them and dragged them outside for the quick photo session.  (My apologies to the rest of the family for how bad that picture is going to turn out...)

But even though we may have infected half of the family with our "plague", we hope they were still happy to see us...?? (insert sheepish smile).  

We were definitely happy to see them.

Boxing Day was the one day that we were all together - so that was the time for presents and Christmas festivities.  Erik & I haven't participated in a Manitoba Christmas since Keziah was a newborn, so it had been awhile.

 Auntie Laura reading a Christmas story to Keziah.

Apple was well-represented at the Harder Christmas.  There were plenty of ipads, ipods and iphones to go around...  though Granny was smart to ban them on Boxing Day :)

Men actually did dishes.
For real.

We met our niece Amelia for the first time - she was born right after we left Manitoba the last time.  What a cutie :)

A highlight of the Harder christmas is the program (a.k.a. talent show) put on by the kids.

 There was some guitar-playing.

And the always classic recorder.

Micah's talent was showing off some artwork.

While Liam's talent was lip-syncing to Gangnam Style with his back-up dancers...

While I lounged indoors, blowing my nose and reading books - content to enjoy the snow and sunshine through the big picture windows - Erik had endless energy to be outside.  He took several trips to Lake Adam with our kids and the other cousins to do some skating and sledding.

Silas tried single-blade skates for the first time and loved it.

Grandpa and the boys on the toboggan hill.

After being happily cooped up in the house for the first week, Erik finally convinced me to come along for one last skate on New Year's Eve.  It was cold.  And my skates were too tight.
Not that I'm complaining or anything.

Keziah and I lasted about 10 minutes on the ice and then we put our boots back on and drank hot chocolate by the wood stove.  Thank goodness for warming huts :)

Erik's highlight was probably the last day when he went snowmobiling with my Dad.  It warmed up to about -8 that day (heat wave!) and he had a blast.

Finally it was time to say good-bye and head back home.  After 12 days of holidaying, we were all Christmas-ed out.