We have been frustrated lately with Micah's sensitivity and anxiety. After we overcame the hurdle of Kids Quest (Sunday School) last year, it seems he has regressed after a summer of being off-schedule. Every time Erik tries to bring him now, he has a major meltdown. Erik remembers being like this as a kid - very anxious about new situations and especially about being away from his parents. We're not sure how to overcome this. There's one thing we've decided for sure this summer, and that's to hold him back a year in school. Because of his December birthday we knew this would be a debate, and for the last 6 months it has been especially on my mind because I wasn't sure if I should be enrolling him in preschool for this fall. I felt like I was waiting for someone to tell me what to do and finally Erik just made the decision for me. Based on Micah's behavior lately, I am feeling very peaceful about it. If dropping Micah off for a half-hour of Sunday School is such an ordeal, I can't imagine dealing with dropping him off 2 or 3 days a week at a preschool. I'm just not in a space to handle that right now. And I'm praying that time will decrease anxiety and increase confidence.
In the meantime I hope to give Micah more experience playing with other kids and/or being in a class type setting (i.e. swimming lesssons, gymnastics, etc). However, just the mention of swimming lessons still brings fear into his eyes (you might remember our episodes back in the winter). And when I have mentioned gymnastics or other sports he says he just doesn't want to! So, my question for all of you is this: Do I just enroll him in stuff and force him to try new things? Or do I need to wait it out until he seems more ready? (At this point I fear that time will never come!)
Keziah seems to be growing up before our eyes. Erik and I agree that she's getting cuter all the time. She's developing this goofy little personality that is so adorable. She's also developing a very strong-willed and independent spirit. I have always thought that both of my kids were kind of intense, but I am now starting to pin-point major differences in their personalities. Keziah has NO problem being away from us (and generally behaves better from what we hear!). She has taught herself to do things already that Micah needed to be prompted to do. She has initiated pooping on the potty 3 times in the past week and I am doing NOTHING to encourage her (other than a smartie as a reward)! She also throws temper tantrums (which we didn't experience much with Micah) when she can't have her way.
I love the look on her face here as she rides the rockin' seal!
So while we may feel like Micah's personality is frustrating right now, I pray that he grows up to be a sensitive soul - and perhaps someone who will love coming home to his Mommy even when he's a grown man :) And Keziah could be the real trouble-maker when she hits her teenage years... who knows! I hope that we can point her independence and persistence in a positive direction.
My days are getting busier now as my transcription work-load increases. I have also committed to babysitting 2 days a week - one day for our adorable nephew Caleb and one day for a busy little guy who is 5 months younger than Keziah. I did some babysitting when Micah was a toddler but I'm finding it a bit easier this time as we are already in a routine and I am accustomed to having more than one kid around!
I'm still feeling nauseated every day but I think the intensity is improving. I've noticed I can go longer stretches now without needing to eat. I just can't seem to get past the exhaustion that I feel. I go to bed early and often nap, yet I still feel tired all day. Now that I need to use nap-time for transcription work, I am very thankful for coffee!
16 comments:
I was like that as a kid, Jamie, and all I can say is that eventually he will grow out of it. Getting forced to do things upset me, but as long as my mom or dad stayed in the room, I was fine. Can you maybe watch his swimming lessons from the side? That definitely helped me.
Well, I'm no mother but I do know that Craig refused to go in anything but ART classes until grade 3. That's when some older boys at school asked him to run races with them. When he discovered he was faster then them, he was hooked and there's been no turning back in the area of sports. I say don't push unless he really wants to. Kids are way too overscheduled today in my opinion and if he's content not doing, then allow him to not do. Not that I don't think sports and things should be encouraged, but there's always time. Once he's in school and his already friends are involved, things may change. But that's just my humble opinion. And I also think good decision on preschool. There's no rush for school, really. James Dobson thinks kids shouldn't start until they're 7!! But again, just my opinion. I think you guys are doing a great job. Love ya.
I agree with Jen. Plus, yo never know what will happen when baby comes. He might grow up really quick. Hope your over the morning sickness soon. love ya. mom
i think it is smart for you to hold him back. Aidan has an early birthday, really if he was one month earlier he would be in Micah's situation and I can not imagine him of going a year earlier. He would have really struggled. As for swimming, if he hates it, I wouldn't push it. He has plenty of years to learn swimming. I was planning to put Liam in this fall but when I tried to get him to put his face in the water this summer he freaked, so I think I will wait a while.
Thanks so much again for watching my busy little man. He sure loved your place and has now called you Jane-Jane.
I hope you can find a balance to figure out all our schedules with work, babysitting and being a mom. Keziah sounds similar to isaiah in some ways. I just know I need to learn to steer his independent attitude and strong will in the right direction, however you do that. I pray that he'll be a leader and not a follower and that he'll be a godly one at that.
As for Micah I would introduce him to a few new things and then let him decide after the first try. I was a quiter at many things until I discovered running. What about soccer of some sort?
when i was a kid, i was VERY clingy to my parents and i couldn't handle it very well being alone...
so my parents decided that they come with me when i was doing sports (e.g. swimming and riding) and after some lessons, i was fine being all by myself...
maybe he does not exactly know what all these other sports are about, so it might be good just to show him (having a trial lesson, or something?).
hope you´re feeling better soon!
leslie
p.s.: maybe you could increase your iron supply? that helped me a lot with both pregnancies.....
Tristan is exactly the same way as Micah although he goes to Sunday School with no issues(most of the time!) But other than that he will not leave my side. He will only let 3 people babysit him and he cries at the thought of school or sports etc...So we opted out of preschool for this year as well. I think he is not ready and I am not ready as well. I want to enjoy my last year with him before he starts Kindergarten! I am really praying that he outgrows it this year! Praying the same for you!
I am going to join the choruses of don't push Micah if he isn't ready. I think some activities would be fun but ones where you or Erik are with him(or at least near by) so that he can get the socialization but not feel anxious.
With a new baby coming you don't want to have too much on your plate(which already sounds rather full)
Hm...some of Micah's traits are typical firstborn, and perhaps others are genetic. We have one who is similar. "What if" is her motto in life, and she fears and over-analyzes everything before she can enjoy it. We feel that we HAVE to push her to try new things, otherwise she would choose nothing but safety, and miss out on all the possibilities! Who knows? We've only been parents for 11 years, and this could totally backfire yet, but so far, I think we've made the right choice. The list of sports/hobbies tested over the past 7-8 years is LONG (and only one at a time). While hardly any of those have 'stuck', at least she has developed some confidence in having tried them. She still detests piano (Gr. 5) and swimming (Red Cross 8), but she is very skilled and graceful in each. My prayer is that in time she can embrace life with joy - I will include Micah in that prayer.
I agree with the idea of not pushing Micah if he's not ready.
Myra and I went to a drop in preschool once this past summer at one of the elementary schools - it was pretty fun - parents stay with their kids the whole time.....it's free play for a while and then snack and circle time for the last hour. Myra was a little young for the activities but still had fun. If you're looking for opportunities for Micah to interact with other kids without having to leave him by himself - this might be an option. Good Luck. I think you are an excellent mom!!!
Oh Jamie, I love your little baby on the side, that is so neat.
Jamie, I'd air on the side of caution too about forcing Micah to do more than he's ready or willing. But I totally understand your fears... I think wisdom would say that he'll outgrow most of his anxieties in leaving you over time. And I bet you're right that he'll be the grown man who wants to come home to mommy! And that'll be awesome :-)
so glad to hear that you are starting to feel better! i enjoyed the pics of your kids...micah SURE looks like you in the one where he is smelling the flower :) and keziah's goofy little personality emerging sounds like so much fun!! hope you are having a good weekend!
We just went across the border yesterday. I love the shopping there. I would go again. Did you get lots when you went?
OK, well just for the record, I wasn't telling you to push Micah into anything...I was talking about MY girl, who is 11! You will know when it is time for him to take the next steps of independence. Thankfully, children tend to be fairly resilient, and have short memories when we fail.
hey jamie :)
its fun to read your personality profiles on the kids ha ha. keziah sounds so similar to ezekiel so it makes me think alot of it has to do with being "two." i feel bad sometimes b/c i refer to zeke as a rascal, but he has many good qualities, he just also doesnt listen, throws everything, hits, and has little tantrums ha ha! but everyone assures me thats just what boys are like.
i agree with the no pushing although thinking back to the spring, diedre was in swim lessons, totally afraid of her male instructor, and so derek or i would get in the water with her to help her feel more comfortable. and it was probably day 3 of 8 that i slowly backed away from the group, and she started doing things on her own, and the next day i didnt even get in the water. so, doesnt sound as extreme as micah, but it did help to be there with her.
also, there are great mom n' tot type things to do that might help as someone else suggested. our local MOPS is great and has a really excellent preschool type class while the mothers meet. the good thing is its for 2-3 year olds so both kids can go in it together this year, which might help the comfort level.
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