But then the night came. We tried to put Micah down at 8 pm and he didn't fall asleep until 9:45. Yep, that's almost 2 hours of our evening spent trying to get him to go to bed. Then, Keziah decided to wake up a billion times last night - OK, not that many, but you DO lose count after about 5 or 6 times. I hate that I ended up feeding her THREE times in the night because I know this is working against me... After Micah's short night, I figured he would sleep in again this morning but nope, up at 6:00.
I put Keziah down for her morning nap and went to have a shower while Micah was watching TV. I took the time to clean the shower a bit while I was in there so it was a bit longer than normal. As soon as I turned the shower off I could hear Keziah screaming in her crib. I quickly went to check on her and found her all red and sweaty from getting so worked up. There was no way she was going back to sleep, so that was it for her nap. I ended up feeding her and now we're way off routine once again. (Not that I'm a real stickler for schedule but I know that, in theory, a consistent daytime routine should make for better nighttime sleep and right now we could use all the help we can get!) She's sleeping again now but has already woken up several times in her sleep. I hate that I go in there and stuff that soother in her mouth over and over again - she's quickly learning (from me) that she can't sleep without it...
Then it was time to fight with Micah to have his afternoon nap. The CD idea that I was so proud of yesterday was a no-go today. It didn't help that he got up to play with the CD player buttons and accidentally cranked the volume and freaked himself out. After an hour I have decided no nap today. If he's not going to sleep in his bed, then no sleeping anywhere - not in the car or on the couch or in his chair... I'm going to see if we can keep him up all day and hopefully tonight he'll go to sleep without a fuss. Can a toddler really get by with only 8 and a half hours of sleep??
Right now he's playing contentedly by himself even though he's tired - I can tell by all the yawning and eye-rubbing. Despite the fact that he seems happy, I can't help but feel like my patience is running thin with him today. Just the thought that our napping days might be over...! I'm SO not ready for this.
I notice that one bad day like this makes me feel overwhelmed and so out of control. It seems like things will NEVER improve - Micah will never learn to fall asleep on his own, Keziah will never sleep through the night (or a whole nap for that matter) and Micah will never have another afternoon nap again...
I quickly forget that my Heavenly Father actually cares about these things too. The things that consume my thoughts are important to Him. It's easy to feel all alone in this - especially when Erik is at work and more removed from all of these things. I know I'm not the only mom who deals with these issues - but it's easy to compare yourself to those moms who appear to have things under control. Why do I feel like it's completely up to me to fix all of these problems? The thought is overwhelming and impossible...
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ~ Philippians 4:6
Cast all your anxiety on him, because he cares for you. ~ 1 Peter 5:7
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. ~Proverbs 3:5
Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass ... Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him ... ~ Psalm 37:4-7