Saturday, October 10, 2009
Reflections on Thirty
30 years! That's how long I've been on the planet!
I know a lot of my friends are 30 already, but it still feels pretty huge for me. I can still remember turning 20 and thinking - wow, in 10 years I'll be 30! That wasn't that long ago :)
My birthday was wonderful. Erik solicited some help the night before from Kristi & Keith so he could prep a waffle breakfast for my birthday morning (while I was out). Before I came downstairs the next morning Micah whispered to me, "we're having a special breakfast, but it's a surprise!" After lunch, Rosanna came and watched the kids while Erik dropped me off at the Wild Orange Spa for a 45-minute relaxation massage. Aaaahhh. I could've fallen asleep on the table but didn't want to miss a second of it!
That evening Erik and I left the kids in care of Grandpa & Grandma while we went to The Olive Garden - yum! My only disappointment of the day was the fact that my favourite meal (portabello ravioli) wasn't available... but otherwise it was perfect. Erik gave me a bit of shopping money to spend at Old Navy afterwards. I haven't bought anything for myself in AGES. So that was pretty fun for me :) I had to force myself not to spend too much time looking in the kids section but I did come away with a pair of jeans for Micah (and only because he really needed them).
At dinner Erik asked me if I felt like the day had lived up to my expectations. I said that it definitely did. Neither Erik or I are really big "party" people so I was happy to celebrate in this way. I told him that even though we had originally talked about going away for a weekend for my 30th, I understood that finances and logistics (i.e. three kids to find care for - one of which is a nursing baby) made for bad timing at the moment. Then he asked me if I'd like to spend a night at Whistler at the end of the month. Erik always jokes about stuff like this. He might as well have said we were getting on a plane to Maui the next day because I totally didn't believe him. Anyway, it turned out NOT to be a joke. So, more birthday celebrating will come in a couple weeks when we go to the Fairmont Hotel in Whistler. We'll have to see how Silas will be without breastfeeding for those couple of days. He's definitely fine with taking a bottle but I'm hoping we can resume nursing without any problems.
During our dinner together Erik and I talked a lot about the milestone of being 30 (Erik is still in his 20's so I'm the veteran to this new decade - haha!) My current season of life doesn't allow me to spend a lot of time reflecting but turning 30 definitely has made me stop and think. My days are BUSY and I don't really feel like they're my "own". Sometimes I feel a little cut-off from the rest of the world. And yet I feel incredibly blessed to be fulfilling the role that I've always wanted - wife and mother. 10 years ago I would've been so excited to think that I would have a wonderful husband and 3 beautiful kids by the time I was 30. So I don't want to take any of it for granted.
At the same time I think longingly of the days when I had more time for me. I thought back to my time at Bible School, summer camp, missions - it was all so rich and full of learning, maturing and growing in my faith and relationships. Now those areas of my life feel like they're at a bit of a standstill. Last week I started to worry that maybe I'm at the age where I am already "set in my ways"! It sounds funny, I know, but I honestly worry that I'll get stuck in my rut and stop trying to go deeper and be still willing to change and grow. So, that has been my prayer this week.
This stage of life is filled with diapers and baby food, laundry and dishes, potty training and bedtime routines, preschool friends and time-outs, worry and guilt. My thoughts revolve around these things! And yet this life I am living is so rich and I wouldn't trade it for anything else.
So, in the end I write all that to say... Yay for being 30 :)