Saturday, October 10, 2009

Reflections on Thirty

30 years! That's how long I've been on the planet!

I know a lot of my friends are 30 already, but it still feels pretty huge for me. I can still remember turning 20 and thinking - wow, in 10 years I'll be 30! That wasn't that long ago :)

My birthday was wonderful. Erik solicited some help the night before from Kristi & Keith so he could prep a waffle breakfast for my birthday morning (while I was out). Before I came downstairs the next morning Micah whispered to me, "we're having a special breakfast, but it's a surprise!" After lunch, Rosanna came and watched the kids while Erik dropped me off at the Wild Orange Spa for a 45-minute relaxation massage. Aaaahhh. I could've fallen asleep on the table but didn't want to miss a second of it!

That evening Erik and I left the kids in care of Grandpa & Grandma while we went to The Olive Garden - yum! My only disappointment of the day was the fact that my favourite meal (portabello ravioli) wasn't available... but otherwise it was perfect. Erik gave me a bit of shopping money to spend at Old Navy afterwards. I haven't bought anything for myself in AGES. So that was pretty fun for me :) I had to force myself not to spend too much time looking in the kids section but I did come away with a pair of jeans for Micah (and only because he really needed them).

At dinner Erik asked me if I felt like the day had lived up to my expectations. I said that it definitely did. Neither Erik or I are really big "party" people so I was happy to celebrate in this way. I told him that even though we had originally talked about going away for a weekend for my 30th, I understood that finances and logistics (i.e. three kids to find care for - one of which is a nursing baby) made for bad timing at the moment. Then he asked me if I'd like to spend a night at Whistler at the end of the month. Erik always jokes about stuff like this. He might as well have said we were getting on a plane to Maui the next day because I totally didn't believe him. Anyway, it turned out NOT to be a joke. So, more birthday celebrating will come in a couple weeks when we go to the Fairmont Hotel in Whistler. We'll have to see how Silas will be without breastfeeding for those couple of days. He's definitely fine with taking a bottle but I'm hoping we can resume nursing without any problems.

During our dinner together Erik and I talked a lot about the milestone of being 30 (Erik is still in his 20's so I'm the veteran to this new decade - haha!) My current season of life doesn't allow me to spend a lot of time reflecting but turning 30 definitely has made me stop and think. My days are BUSY and I don't really feel like they're my "own". Sometimes I feel a little cut-off from the rest of the world. And yet I feel incredibly blessed to be fulfilling the role that I've always wanted - wife and mother. 10 years ago I would've been so excited to think that I would have a wonderful husband and 3 beautiful kids by the time I was 30. So I don't want to take any of it for granted.

At the same time I think longingly of the days when I had more time for me. I thought back to my time at Bible School, summer camp, missions - it was all so rich and full of learning, maturing and growing in my faith and relationships. Now those areas of my life feel like they're at a bit of a standstill. Last week I started to worry that maybe I'm at the age where I am already "set in my ways"! It sounds funny, I know, but I honestly worry that I'll get stuck in my rut and stop trying to go deeper and be still willing to change and grow. So, that has been my prayer this week.

This stage of life is filled with diapers and baby food, laundry and dishes, potty training and bedtime routines, preschool friends and time-outs, worry and guilt. My thoughts revolve around these things! And yet this life I am living is so rich and I wouldn't trade it for anything else.

So, in the end I write all that to say... Yay for being 30 :)


Nush said...

Jamie, you're such a great writer and thinker. And I have to say you haven't aged a day...welcome to the thirties...:)

Anonymous said...

happy (belated) birthday!
sounds like you had a great day:)

i can totally relate to the feeling of the "not my own" days....i feel the same quite often as well! and then i hear a story of a single mom, friends who can't have children naturally...and i become thankfull for my own little family.

i'm going back to university to avoid the "rute" you were talking of:) i guess learning something and challenging my mommy brain is very needed at the moment:)

welcome to the thirties!


Charlotte said...

Happy Birthday Jamie!

Kerri Kincaid said...

such wise words from someone so much older than I. I am the only one in our circle who hasn't "gone on" to 30. Sometimes I wonder what it is like to be 27 ... or 28 ... or however old I am. Guess that is what happens when you marry someone older than you... when you are just a teenager yourself!! sounds like you had a great birthday. hope you have a great time in Whistler! I still haven't been there... maybe for my 30th!!

Jen Glen said...

Happy Birthday! Thank you for this post. It was very inspiring. As 30 looms ever closer for me (3 months actually) I'm still freaking out about it. But come that day, Lord willing, I will indeed pause and think about all that it means about where I am now and where I was then. Praying your next ten years are indeed filled with learning, growth, and many, many more blessings!

Kirsten said...

Beautifully said Jamie! Thanks for sharing your heart a bit. So excited for you to go to Whistler! Have fun : )

Kathy's corner said...

I am so proud of the woman you have become. You are such a wonderful wife , mom and daughter. I thank God for our relationship and our openess with one another. Erik, Micah, Keziah and Silas are very blessed to have you as a wife and a mom. I love you.

Ej said...

Happy Birthday Jamie, I am glad it was a wonderful day.

Bonnie said...

What a great post Jamie! Happy 30th and hope you and Erik have a fantastic time in Whistler. I hear the Fairmont is to die for :)

Rosanna Toews said...

Jamie - I have never NEVER thought of you as being stuck in your ways. I love your ability to be exactly who you are. I love being near you. You make my heart feel really safe and loved and accepted. And no one can quite make me laugh like you can - especially at that special bedtime hour. You are beautiful - thoroughly. I love you.

Trev and Rebekah said...

You learn so much in each stage of life. You are not stuck in your ways and I admire how you and Erik pour into your kids and disciple them. They know Jesus and are aware of Him. I love it!

I hear you though on not being able to grow in relationships like we were able to back in bible school days. Those were the days to be up late eating cookie dough and praying together and really sharpening each of our friends in our faith.

Kathy's corner said...

Hello to all of you girls, who are in the midst of diapers, brestfeeding and all of those wonderful baby and toddler things. Thisis Jamie's mom speaking, and I assure you that it will all come to pass. Believe me, after raising 4 kids under 5 at one point, I know what you are talking about, but now that I am 56, I just want you all to know that THE BEST IS YET TO BE. So, enjoy those little ones. teach them about Jesus and about life, and one day they will bless you like my kids and 11 grandkids do, so HANG IN THERE

jupo said...

This may sound a little crazy but just this morning I was thinking that I'm looking forward to when this baby comes and I can be living for someone else, not just doing whatever I want to do for myself. I know I'll miss my "freedom", and I am enjoying it now, but I am so ready for the next stage in life.
Your paragraph that starts with "This stage of life is filled with diapers.." makes me tear up a little at the end (I blame it on the pregnancy hormones!) when you say that your life is so rich and you wouldn't trade it for anything else. No, you don't really have time for yourself, but what you do have and what you are doing for these 3 little lives is something that I really admire.

rachel joy said...

What a great post, Jamie. My 30th birthday was the same - a massage, Olive Garden and shopping! I liked reading your thoughts on 30, and like so many other, can totally relate. I don't feel like I've had much time to consider "me" much either. I like what your mom said, and have found that being 30, and having now my 3rd child, what they say about "enjoy it now, you'll miss it" really is true. I even find myself saying it to others.

I'm thankful to have gotten to know you, and to be sharing this journey, even just a little bit.

Happy Birthday, Friend.

kelly ens said...

sounds like such a special day he planned for you - so nice! And a night away even - FABULOUS! :)

i hear you on turning 30 - people keeping feeling the need to ask me how i'll deal with 40. HELLO! Let me deal with THIS decade first! Not to say I'm not incredibly grateful for my amazing family and where I am in life...i'd just like to keep a '2' in front of my age a bit longer :)

we can do it - i guess we don't have much choice!