The Seesaw of Indecision

Maybe some of you noticed that ever since I wrote about our life-changing plan way back in the fall, I haven't really mentioned it here again. I'm talking about the BIG decision about whether or not to uproot our family from BC and move back to Manitoba.

Ringing a bell yet?

Well (if I'm being honest) I haven't mentioned it again because, almost from the day I wrote that post, we have wrestled with huge doubts and indecision.

When we went to Manitoba last summer, things weren't going that great for Erik's business here (he's self-employed doing construction & renovations). Finances were tight and Erik and I were feeling the pressure of making ends meet. That made the idea of moving to Manitoba so appealing - the lower cost of living, the small town community, less pressure to "keep up"...

Then we came back to Abbotsford - with the full intention of moving to Manitoba as planned. We started telling family and friends, and we were living our lives with a "this-is-only-temporary" mentality. But, even though there were times we were in agreement about our decision, we spent most of those fall months riding the seesaw. We debated back and forth constantly. Sometimes one of us would feel totally at peace and the other one wouldn't, and sometimes we both felt confused. Overall, none of it felt... settled.

Then, maybe you recall Erik's knee injury in October. This felt like a frustrating set-back and we totally didn't know what God was up to. But, his injured knee forced him to hire some help at work. And so began a gradual shift in his business. Having guys working for him has not only made sense in terms of efficiency and money-making potential, but my very social husband realized how lonely and unfulfilling it had been to work by himself for so long. Add to all of this the fact that Erik has been getting more work than he even knows what to do with and his business has never been in a better position than it is right now.

We reached the pinnacle of our confusion right around Christmas time, and so one day Erik and I left the kids with his parents and spent the day together praying, talking and trying to hear what God might be telling us. I realized that day that I was totally willing to commit to (and be happy in) either location. I could honestly picture myself in either place. I knew at that moment that we needed to base the decision on Erik's work - not just where he could be the most financially successful, but also where he could be the most fulfilled. We didn't come home that day with a decision made, but that marked another gradual shift... an openness to the idea of staying.

And, slowly, as the idea settled into our brains and hearts, it really did just that.

It settled.

Ever since that day we have grown more and more peaceful about the idea of staying. Our conversations are no longer full of what-ifs. We're making plans for next year, for school and for Erik's business and for our next house. And there has been reigning peace in both of our hearts.

There is sadness in thinking of the many things about small-town Manitoba life that we will never have if we stay in BC - with the idea of living close to my parents and siblings definitely not being the least of them. But, our hope is that the future of Erik's business will provide us with the flexibility to spend more time there. In fact, we have plans to do a repeat performance of last year's trip to Manitoba. Erik has some work to finish on the cabin so we will get to enjoy another prairie summer with my family.

In the meantime, we're still planning to sell our house (ideally before the summer!), so if you think of us, you can pray that God would bring someone along to buy our place. It's not a good market for selling right now, but we know that God often likes to work with "impossibilities" and tight deadlines, so I'm just trusting that he is a part of all of this too.

And I'm just thankful we're not riding the seesaw anymore.