Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Reflection on the last few days

We spent three nights in Calgary last week. During the days we were back and forth to the hospital. The kids had a tough time with all the traveling and strange places, but it all worked out. We stayed with the Hamm's who are good family friends. I lived with them for a year right before Erik and I got married so I felt very at home there even if the kids didn't :)

We took Elissa outside for some fresh air and sunshine for the first time in 2 weeks.

I snatched a video of Caleb squirming in his bassinet...

Here's our girl posing for the camera during bathtime back at the Hamm house.

I was able to visit with my sister Erin and her youngest son Liam on Friday. They were in the city while her husband was taking some courses so it worked out well that our trips overlapped. Liam is the closest in age to Micah of all his cousins so it was fun to watch them play. It took awhile, but by the end they seemed to be having lots of fun together...

Liam giving his cousin Keziah a big smooch.

Micah and Liam had matching Happy Meal toys...

fyi: I am almost two years older than Erin but she beat me by getting married first and having all of her (three) kids already!

Anyone who's been through the Calgary airport with kids has probably noticed the large wind-up airplanes. What a great idea. Micah was thoroughly entertained while we waited for our flight home.

We welcomed Doug & Elissa home yesterday and it was really good to see them get settled into their own space. It was a little overwhelming for Elissa, but comforting at the same time. I could tell that she was much more peaceful than she had been in the hospital and that was encouraging to see. They went to see Caleb in Chilliwack today but there is a plan to transfer him to Abbotsford as soon as there is space available. You can pray that this will happen soon so that visiting him will be made easier for Elissa.

Tonight we were all together as a family for the first time in awhile - except for Kristi who is back in Manitoba. We had a family dinner with the Loewen's (Rosanna's family) and even though it was good to be together and even though it was good to laugh and share stories together, there was no denying that there was a gaping hole in the group where Nathan should've been. I sat beside Micah's bed tonight while he fell asleep and thought about all that Nathan was to me. I've been grieving Rosanna's loss of him as a husband and Erik's loss of him as a brother, but I haven't stopped much to reflect on how much I will miss him. He was a brother and a friend and an amazing uncle to Micah & Keziah. I remember several special moments Micah had with him at the cabin the weekend before he died - a little outing to the bakery for donuts, a trip to the park where Uncle Nathan pushed him on the swing for a long time, falling asleep together in Nathan's tent after watching Finding Nemo... I pray that Micah will somehow be able to remember these moments, even if it's only through pictures and Erik & I telling him stories.

Erik and I have agreed that God has been answering prayers for peace. Even Rosanna has a peaceful countenance that she admits is beyond what she is capable of. God has been fulfilling his promise from Philippians 4:7 "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Thank you for your continuing prayers.


Yvonne&Eric said...

I'm so glad that Elissa is comforted by being at home. I will definitely be praying that Caleb gets moved to Abbotsford soon. You are all still in mine and Eric's prayers. It feels like time has flown by and stood still all at the same time. Hope tomorrow is a good day for you.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for sharing so openly and honestly about your lives and how you are processing things. It helps U Gary and I feel a bit more connected from such a long distance.
We love all of you and continue to pray that the Lord would comfort and sustain.
Love A Doreen and U Gary

Courtney and Jon said...

Jamie, thank you so much for all of your posts. I can't believe that I missed two considering I was checking your blog many times a day hoping you would post but realizng realistically you couldn't. I do appreciate the updates though because I have been thinking about you all a lot. I connected with you when you mentioned Rosanna and grieving for her because it always seems as though the wife or husband get hit the hardest when in reality everyone who knew the person is affected, all in different ways. I didn't know Nathan all that well but he sure was an incredible man. All I thought about was Rosanna for the first week and then at the funeral tried to say something profound and couldn't say anything at all, I just hugged her and cried.
I will continue to pray for a quick recovery, smooth transition and a bed in Abby.
Thanks again. i love all of your photos.

gkder said...

Jamie, thank yo so much for shairng your heart. So glad Elissa is home, and we continue to pray for her, especailly that her and Caleb could be together soon for good. And as you grieve as well. You have been so busy keeping everything together, looking after kids etc. and I am glad that you are taking the time to grieve Nathan's death. I can so relate to what you said about peace. Until we walk through the valley, that threatens to destroy us and consume us, we will never truly experience what "the peace that passes understanding really means" There is no pit so pit, that God isn't deeper still. The promise of heaven will be more real to you now, and your fmaily, than it has ever been. Jamie, you are a gift to your fmaily there. You have a compassionate and a servant heart. How I love you and miss you. love mom

Liane said...

I love the video of Caleb, he is so cute!
I was reading Phillipians 4 just yesterday. I love the last verses!
You are in our thoughts and prayers!

Janelle said...

"My world is closing in
On the inside
But I’m not showing it
When all I am is crying out
I hold it in and fake a smile
Still I’m broken
I’m broken
Only one can understand
And only one can hold the hand
Of the broken
Of the broken

When no one else knows how I feel
Your love for me is proven real
When no one else cares where I’ve been
You run to me with outstretched hands
And You hold me in your arms

I need no explanation of why me
I just need confirmation
Only You could understand the emptiness inside my head
I am falling
I am falling
I’m falling down upon my knees
To find the one who gives me peace
I am flying
Lord I am flying

When no one else knows how I feel
Your love for me is proven real
When no one else cares where I’ve been
You run to me with outstretched hands
And You hold me in Your arms

I have come to you in search of faith
Cause I can’t see beyond this place
Oh You are God and I am man
So I’ll leave it in Your hands"

(no one else knows - building 429)

love you Jamie. and so happy that you all feel the peace that we are praying over you.

Amber said...

Your nephew is SUCH a cutie! What a precious precious little guy.

I emailed you Jamie...if you don't get it for some reason, let me know.

Rick & Sandy said...

Calab, Elissa, Rosanna, the Toews Family, Siblings and In-Laws
...what a testimony of God in your lives!

May His peace and healing continue to cover each of you moment by moment, all the time, every day.

Thanks for sharing and including pictures in your post.

The Friesen's

Leanne said...

I've never met you, but I can see that you are an incredible person, Jamie. You are strong, you have a servant heart, and you are faithful. And I'm glad that you are taking the time to grieve. Blessings and prayers.

Karen said...

Thanks again, Jamie for being honest and real. Amidst caring for your own family and being a support to Rosanna and Elissa especially, it is good for you to remember the special person Nathan was to you. The memories you shared, only a drop in the bucket, I'm sure, are so special. They must bring both tears and smiles. And, once again, Caleb is just SO cute! What joy he must bring!
We will continue to pray, and also praise God that He is answering the prayers already prayed.

Kirsten said...

I agree Jamie. Thanks for being real. There is such security in being real It was great to see you again yesterday, although in the same way, hard that my presence was there and not Nate's.

But I fell asleep with tunes of the "water song" and with a smile on my face thinking of Micah's entertainment. "I am a big strong man" What a character.

Your family has been such a blessing to me. I continue to pray for you, Erik, Micah and Keziah.

Lindsay said...

Oh Jamie! Thank you so much for the update! Your family continues to inspire me. Keep hugging Rosanna & Elissa for us all and thanks for the posts... your writing is comforting!

Christy said...

I will continue to pray Jamie!

Donna said...

I am glad God is meeting your family right where you all need him.

A few years ago our pastors wife got in a car accident and dies unexpectedly. The morning it happened God arranged for her to spend special time with each of her kids (older) and her hubby. It was such a blessing to their family.

So I do pray that Micah will some how Micah will remember those special times.

erin said...

Caleb is such a cutie. I just wanna scoop him up right throught he screen!

it was good to see you guys, we continue to pray for you all.

erin said...

oh, and yep! Remember those planes when I was there with Cassidy

Jon & Bonnie said...

You are an amazing woman Jamie. And I've so appreciated your openness and honesty through all of this. I'll be praying for you as you work through your own personal grief--- its good to realize what Nate meant to you too.
And little Caleb is just perfect! Please send my greetings and hugs to Elissa & Doug & Caleb! We're praying for all of you. Please let us know if you need anything while you're back and forth from Chilliwack!!

kelly said...

love the video of precious little Caleb. SO glad they are all home now, and praying that caleb can be moved to MSA soon!
I hope you are able to grieve YOUR loss of Nathan too, as you have mentioned, because he was obviously a large part of YOUR life, in addition to Rosanna and Erik.

Jeff and Jocelyn said...

Thanks for the updates! it's so hard to be far away, but I thank God so much that Rosanna has you to just care for her.
I pray for you and everything you will have to be in the months to come, support to your grieving husband and family, supporting Doug and Elissa, being a mom and all your other roles

Ej said...

Thanks for the updates Jamie. We're glad everyone has made it back to BC. Caleb looks cute as a button. We're still praying for you all.


Drea said...

Thanks for the updates.. im so behind on blogging.. nice to catch up. hang in there.

Trev & Rebekah said...

Thanks so much for the update. I have not stopped thinking about all of you even though we were on holidays. I was wondering how Caleb and Elissa were doing so thanks for telling us.
Jamie, I was in tears as I read your post. I am glad you were able to greive your own loss of Nathan. I can't imagine how you are feeling right now with trying to look after the kids, walk with Eric and greive yourself. Wish I was there to give you a big hug.
I am glad Micah had those special times with Nathan. Trev's dad has cancer again and I don't know if his life will be shortened or not. If so I do hope that Isaiah will have some sort of memories of his Grandpa.
We are praying for you all.