Friday, August 24, 2007

Taking its toll

Grief is affecting all of us... Micah included. We have gone through some serious regression in several areas; namely potty training, sleeping & separation anxiety.



Poor sleeping and "clingy-ness" have always been issues with Micah, but the potty-training had been SO easy! I never put a pull-up on him for naps and he was even dry most nights. He always told me when he had to pee and accidents were very rare. Now I feel like we're starting at square one and the progress just isn't happening as quickly. It's been hard not to be frustrated since I know that he knows better. But, we are back to using stickers and chocolate chips and throwing little parties when he can pee in the potty and not in his underwear. And if I forget to remind him he will usually just pee his pants. Today we went to playgroup and when I buckled him into the car he was soaking wet. I don't think he even cared. I know that potty-training can be an ongoing process like this for lots of kids. But when he was doing perfectly for so many weeks already it's very hard to go back to this.



And I have never seen Micah as clingy to me as he has been this last month. Even Grandma, who in the past has sometimes been more desirable company than even Mom or Dad, just doesn't seem to cut it for him lately. This is hard, because he is not as willing to go upstairs and play with her for an hour here or there. In a public setting (i.e. playgroup today) he will not let me out of his sight and practically hangs on me the whole time. I don't know what I can do to regain his trust. I guess time will be the biggest factor - just reassuring him over and over that I am here and if I do leave that I will come back. It saddens me to see him so afraid and so upset. I've resolved to always tell him if I do go somewhere because I don't think sneaking around will get us anywhere in terms of gaining trust. But, I would LOVE to take people up on the many babysitting offers I've received, but right now it's just not worth it. I hope that we can make a turn-around in this area soon...



And sleeping - well, sleeping has always been a challenge with Micah. It hasn't worsened too much in the last month other than that we just let him stay up late every night since it wasn't worth it to fight with him when there was so much other stuff going on. So, now we are trying to re-introduce a bedtime that is earlier than 9 pm and that hasn't been easy.



Anyway, reading Andrea's blog today reminded me today that God really does care about these "Mommy" worries and I don't know why I forget that. So, I need to pray about these things and not let them stress me out!

18 comments:

Karen said...

Being a mom of a 2 and a half year old can be VERY frustrating! I can totally sympathize with alot of the things you are saying, Jamie! You seem to have all the right ideas to help smooth some of these wrinkles out. I hope things get better in all the areas you mentioned and you are so totally right, God does care about all these little worries, so even just a quick prayer can help when you're so frustrated and upset you just want to scream (or cry)!! Good luck and thanks for the reminder to take ALL our cares to the Lord!

erin said...

the potty training thing is frustrating. Right after we moved to Winnipeg, Cassidy started wetting her pants constantly. She had been trained for almost a year. It became very frustrating for us. When talking to her peditrician about it, he told me that divorce, moving, new baby & death in family are the biggest stresses in a childs life and this can result in alot of 'backtracking' in certain development areas. For example, the potty, sleeping etc... It made total sence because after we got set into a good routine here, she became alot better.
I think Micah understands and sences alot more then we think. He knows something is different even if he can't totally comprehend it. The actions he is using may be his way of communicating his frustration.
I think the biggest thing is to continue to pray over him and be patient.

Michelle said...

The pictures of the 2 of them in bed together are sooo cute and priceless!!! It's fun when they can start to play together! I agree with your other commenters....Micach's regression is his way of saying "mommy, I'm sad that I can't see unlce Nate anymore and I'm sad that everyone else is so sad." Kids pick up on our emotions even when we try and hide them. And because he can't tell you in words how he's feeling, he's doing what he knows. I will be praying extra hard for Micah as this must be so hard for his little mind to understand. You're doing a great job Jamie keeping your kids happiness as your top priority when I'm sure you just want to lock your self in your room. I can't imagine what you've been through on top of being a mom. Lots of prayers sent your way :o)

The A Team said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
kelly said...

Of course I'm behind you in the parenting stage, so I don't have any potty training advice, but i do think you're right in 'time' being the key factor in getting him back on track in all these issues.
love the pics of micah and keziah playing on the bed.

Janelle said...

sweetie. i thought of you when i woke up this morning. i was so exhausted because my head wouldn't turn off at all last nite. but then i thought about how your head must be turning after all of these events. and now with the worry about Micah. today i'll be praying for you - that you'll be able to have some cuddle & one on one time with Micah that will hopefully start to heal him, and soon he'll be happy & secure again.
and then you will be able to sleep/rest and start to enjoy life again too.
i love you so much. call if you need to vent. seriously. i'm right in the midst of the potty training too..

The A Team said...

Hi Jamie..I did write a comment, but I deleted it, b/c I wasnt sure how you would take it:( If you have read it, I hope you didnt take it the wrong way! I hope the potty training goes well. I am sure it will be fine. Remember, boys are harder to PT than girls..and he may take longer. The regression I am sure doesnt help either...I think the clingy stage wont last forever...although it may seem like it. I think just getting out WITH him may work better? Love you:)

teresia said...

praying for micah that he´ll get over the loss he must feel and experience (the last month)!!! i guess he needs so much more time to realize what happened to his uncle who won´t come back......
i experienced this stage while working in an orphanage and all i can say is that the time will come when he´s not clinging that much any longer...

Drea said...

Caleb regressed a lot when we moved to NC. Pooping in his underwear.... and always in his pull up (that he only wore at night)... then he started waking up soaked at naps! which made no sense since he could go 4 hours during the day w/out peeing...
any way long story short..
it passed.
took a month or so.. but it did.
I just kept telling him each time he had accidents how it was ok but that he needed to go in the potty ...
one day it clicked.

hes been potty trained since 2.
But we've had our ups and downs ... usually during naps/night time.

Now at almost 3 he never wakes up wet from naps.. and at night he can go without a pull up.. but i still keep him in one just so I dont have lots to clean if he doesnt make it ;-)

any how.. hang in there girlie.

Calebs still clingy to me and hes turning 3 in a week.

Just shows how much they love you... even though it can be hard at certain times.

Kirsten said...

Praying for you guys.

Bonnie said...

Sorry to hear things are a bit rough with Micah these days. I'll definitely be praying for patience as you work through these things and also that Micah would get back on track as quickly as possible! Thinking of you guys.

Heather said...

Sorry to hear about the tough times you are having with Micah. He definately will be affected by all that's going on, and will also be sensing all the sadness. Does he fear that you are going to "go away" like Uncle Nate did? I can see that he might be thinking that. I'm sure you are doing an awesome job of helping through this time. It's tough on them when they are so small, and still don't really understand everything going on. I'll be praying for you, but specifically for Micah. He looks like such a good big brother!

Tim and Kelsie-Lynn said...

Praying for you guys today.

melanie.olfert said...

Hi Jamie, Sorry to hear about Micah's struggles lately. It must be tough for all of you. I will be praying for the kids and for you guys. Talk to you soon, I'll call you later.
Mel

Suzanne said...

I tried to comment the other day, but blogger was giving me trouble! I've been thinking about Micah the last few days! It breaks my heart to know that they (our kids) have to go through pain & grief. I know it is part of life. I will be praying for strength and healing for you all! Hugs!

Trev & Rebekah said...

Jamie, would you consider seeing someone who could help you and Micah with the seperation anxiety? He's confused and perhaps he wonders if he leave you out of his sight that you'll leave just as his uncle did. I hope that things get better for you soon and that you will be filled with love and patience that comes only from God.

Trev & Rebekah said...

Jamie, would you consider seeing someone who could help you and Micah with the seperation anxiety? He's confused and perhaps he wonders if he leave you out of his sight that you'll leave just as his uncle did. I hope that things get better for you soon and that you will be filled with love and patience that comes only from God.

Amber said...

Hailey & me are still praying for Micah every night at bedtime. And it's usually the very first thing we pray about, as I can hardly say "dear Jesus" to begin the prayer and Hailey is hollering out "annnnd Micah in BC" Thinking of you lots Jamie! THanks for sharing the struggles you are going through.