The funeral was special too. God gave us strength to be on stage and to lead in worship. Rosanna's brother, Dan, is so gifted and did an amazing job. I felt so blessed and honored to be up there. We had a joy and a peace that was beyond us and I think it made it more meaningful that each person up there had a strong connection to Nate. I think it was the kind of worship service that Nathan would have loved - not because the music sounded good, but because people were genuinely entering into worship. That was his heart and his passion.
But now it is over and we no longer have the funeral plans to distract us from our grief. Now we are forced to try to resume some kind of "normal" but it feels like it can never be normal again. Our lives have never before been altered in such a devastating way and Erik and I feel overwhelmed and afraid of what the future will look like now. I'm finding that, for me, the tears are coming easier today than they have all week. Our hearts are broken. And my heart breaks even more when I think of what Rosanna has to face in the weeks and months ahead. This is her worst nightmare come true and I wish so bad that I could carry some of the pain for her.
We've been talking to Micah a little bit about what's going on. He knows that Uncle Nathan is gone and that Auntie Rosanna is sad. He knows that Uncle Nathan is with Jesus - the other day he asked me where he was and when I reminded him he said, "Uncle Nathan is at Jesus' house!" What an innocent little heart he has. Tonight I tucked Micah in and told him I was going to sing him a new song. It was a song that Nate had started writing last Thursday. We never knew how it went, but Rosanna's brother took the words that we found in his journal and put them to music. We sang it yesterday at the memorial service. The words are unbelievable considering he wrote them the day before he died. Here is a portion of it:
You're bringing me back from death to life,
Drawing me near unto your throne,
Holding my hand as I journey home.
Filling my mind with words of truth,
Touching my heart with your great love,
Jesus, you are, true life to me.
This is the way, come and walk in it
Follow my lead and never quit.
This is the way come and walk in it